Wellcome to Slavic Women Dating

by Andy Scoggins 25/11/2024 26/03/2025

Welcome to a Western man’s point of view on dating a Slavic partner with a child and the issues you will experience with child custody, immigration issues regarding the child, permission from the child’s father, and how to navigate, most surely, having a partner with a child.
In the winter of 2012, I traveled to Siberia to visit my close friends who lived in Novokuznetsk. I began dating someone —I will call Masha. Things went rather well until the reality that her ex-husband was an active, good father sank in. He had a close connection with their 8-year-old son. I tried to overlook this because I thought surely her former husband would see that in many ways the West offers more opportunities for a young boy. The young boy and his father did not see it this way. Sure, I was looking BIGGER picture, but they just wanted to live their lives as they always had lived, and they wanted me to just leave it alone. Five months later, Masha and I decided jointly to give up and remain friends. To this day, we are friends and stay in touch.

Fast forward to 2018. I was at that time 43 years old, and although most dating and marriage sites do have many younger women, I still knew that I had to keep my feet grounded in the reality that finding a partner that was an appropriate age for me meant that she would likely have a child. The results were mixed. My Ukrainian pal Vlad reminded me that I am not that old, so I looked at the age groups of 30 to 38 years old.
Having traveled the world, I sort of knew that I would find 2 types of ladies:

One would be super hard-working Alpha females who had a life goal that did not include having a child early in their lives.
The second group would be the traditional sort of lady who has family values and can balance family and a career.

I have dated both of these types of women.

The first type of woman does kind of have a child, but it is not the kind we think. Their child is their career and they tend to have a partner when they are bored or when they are in crisis. Sure, many women who are Alpha career women can have a family and a partner and do it quite well, but in my experience, a partner and family are both not as important as a career to many of the Alpha ladies.
The second type of woman is found all over Ukraine. Women who have the values most Western men want are in every facet of life, in every city, and in every corner of Ukraine, from Kyiv to Lviv, from Odesa to Poltava, and from there to Kharkiv. In dating a Ukrainian woman, I found that she and her family were very open and accepted me with open arms. Yes, there are many speed bumps you will have to overcome, but they are just like the ones in your own country, with a little culture shock sprinkled in to liven things up.

In another blog post, I will talk about Ukrainian traditions of gifting flowers, and how to shake hands, and greetings, but for now, I will end this post on custody issues and the roadblocks you may encounter. If your new love has a child, then you will need to seek permission from the child’s father. This has to be a notarized court document to be used with both Ukraine and your own country’s customs service. You will not be able to leave Ukraine with the child and your partner without this document. It is best to check with your Embassy to narrow down the mistakes that inevitably will be made. Don’t give up, and remember that your partner is worth the little bit of trouble and travel you have to do to secure the correct travel documents for her child. Try to keep in mind that her child is experiencing all of this change with you and that they may be scared or anxious, just like you. Offer as much comfort and support as you can and keep your eye on the prize.
Feel free to comment and ask any questions you may have.

Andrew

Dating Tips Uncategorized

Dating Chat Rooms

by user 22/11/2024 02/04/2025

Dating Chat Rooms: How to Chat and Meet Your Perfect Match

We’ve all seen it in the movies… The main male character is somewhere, he introduces himself to the beautiful woman, who falls for him instantly. This is not the reality 99% of achieve. Dating and chatting with women used to be a very difficult affair for those of us who find it hard to walk up to someone out of nowhere. We used to rely on friends of friends, work colleagues, or being ‘set up’. However, in 1995, the game changed, and dating became a simpler, more successful endeavor. 28 years ago, Match.com entered the internet and became a pioneer of the online dating world. They provided people with the opportunity for singletons to meet like-minded others in an environment that removed a lot of the pressures of the traditional dating game. People could ‘date’ others without actually meeting them!

The introduction of a live chat feature, a chat room, where singletons could talk to each other through writing messages, was groundbreaking. It allowed singletons to chat with others from the comfort of their own home. The chat feature meant that two singletons could get to know each other before arranging to meet up in person. This took away the awkward first meeting as the ice was already broken. The two potential lovers would meet up, safe in the knowledge that they knew what their date looked like and already knew a fair bit about them. Since their first inception, dating chat rooms have come by leaps and bounds way. They are now safer, more refined, and much more successful! Thinking of using one of the many online dating sites with chat functions? Read on for more information and things to consider.

How to Write the First Message in a Chat Room

The all-important first message can make or break your chances with a potential date. You’ve seen the profile picture of someone that interests you and have decided to send a message, but…what should you write?! Sending a plain “Hi” will get you nowhere, as that demonstrates zero effort! You could try and open with a joke, but you don’t know her sense of humor yet so this could be, potentially, a risky move! You need to be clever with your first message. You need something that will not only grab her attention but also make her want to find out more about you. In simple terms, you want a message that will get her to respond! Here are some things to consider when starting your conversation!

⏩ Ask about something specific – Starting with phrases like “I notice that” or “You mentioned in your profile that..” shows that you have taken the time to look at their profile and find out a little about them. If they mention they like to travel, and you do too, you could ask where their dream destination is. This will show you are genuinely interested and thus you are more likely to get a response!
⏩ Would you rather — would you rather questions, when clean/ interesting, are perfect conversation starters! This will cause some thought on their part and is a creative way to get to know someone. You could ask questions like “Would you rather be able to control your future or change your past?” or “Would you rather have all the money in the world or all the time in the world?”. These are interesting and thought-provoking. You are almost guaranteed to get a response.
⏩ Ask a general, open-ended question — These offer more chances for a conversation where you can get a better sense of what the other person is really like. Your first question could be as broad as “How is your life going right now?”. This can give you a lot of information. The hope is that they will respond with similar, open-ended questions. However, exercise caution if they only talk about themselves!
⏩ Deep questioning — this one is a tricky one. You may want to dive right in with a deep question such as “What is the most meaningful thing to happen to you in your life so far?”. The response you get could be flippant or sincere but it will give you a good measure of the person.

These are just a couple of ideas. You can always use her photo to inspire your first message. Making your first message feel like a normal question, such as asking about what film to watch, will make the lady feel more at ease. She can respond in a humorous fashion or give a serious response. Either way, you have a response, and it is something you can build on. Make sure you give your first message some thought and remember these tips:

Be respectful — you must treat the lady online in the same way you would in ‘the real world’. Be polite, listen, and respond accordingly. We would say that respect is the number one factor to keep in mind when chatting online.
No rude jokes — keep it clean, this includes photos, jokes, and comments.
Make it interesting — a bored lady is a lady who walks away from your conversations. You need to keep her interested by asking insightful, open questions and listening carefully. Demonstrate that you have listened by making relevant comments and asking questions relating to previous conversations or what you see in her profile.
Make it relevant — don’t focus on the past or comment on something completely irrelevant. She needs to know that you are interested in her and not clutching at straws.

What to Chat About? Best Topics & Topics to Avoid

Now, this bit can be a bit tricky for most of us out there when, in reality, it should not be that hard! There is a fine line here between asking interesting questions and interviewing, telling stories, and talking about yourself too much, sharing your interests, and being overbearing. Most of your conversations online will be one of two approaches — stories about yourself (mostly) or questions. Stories about yourself need to be interesting and you need to show emotion when telling them, especially if through video chat. Using smiley emojis or, if a video, smiling will show your connection with your happy tale. Having a couple of stories in mind before a conversation is a must, so that you are prepared! Here are some interesting topics to chat with ladies online about:

Ask questions about the events of the day/week. These are open and interesting, and she is likely to respond in a similar way.
Discuss your and her plans for the upcoming weekend. After a while of dating, these could turn into joint plans.
Memories or funny stories from your childhood. These could invoke questions or encourage her to talk about her childhood. Connections could be made here, and/or this could help the conversation stay flowing.
If you’ve read her profile or have chatted for a bit already, discussing common interests and hobbies is the perfect way to get to know someone while discussing something familiar for both of you.
A story from your day/week. You could ask for advice as a way to get her to relax into the conversation by offering you support.
Something random! This could depend on your interests, but talk about a new recipe, the weather, new jokes, films, music, news (not politics….not yet!), or any new exercises you should try. This ‘normal’ conversation is the best way to make a connection, but make sure it does not become mundane!

Here are some of the no-go areas/ approaches. Remember, you do not want your online date chat to feel like an interview.

Don’t be rude. Rude comments or jokes are surefire ways to make the lady disconnect. Asking her what size she wears or telling a lude joke is a definite no!
Don’t be too direct, especially in the beginning! Asking who she voted for, how much money she makes, or if she had a COVID-19 jab is a bit too forward. These questions can come at a time, or if the topic of conversation lends itself to asking these questions.
Don’t be boring. Questions like Do you like films or Do you like listening to music will give you one of two responses: yes or no. Yawn! Keep it interesting. What did you do today? Yikes! Is your online date a child who has been to school? No! This question is boring and will invoke a boring response…if you get one! Change it up with “Tell me one thing that made you smile today”.

When to Ask for a Date

Unfortunately, there is no right or wrong answer to this question. However, it is (obviously) not appropriate to ask for a face-to-face date during the first conversation, or even during the first few chats! It is best to spend some time getting to know each other and finding out key information rather than jumping into having a date. Look out for the signs she gives you, which means she is hoping you’ll ask. If discussing films or areas of interest to you both, she may ask where you would take her. Which film/show would you take her to see etc? This is your opportunity to test the water and suggest taking her at a particular time. Keep this open, not a specific date but more of “How about next week sometime?”. In this situation, she has given you the green light to ask for a date and, hopefully, will respond by making arrangements with you! If such a situation does not present itself, you should probably wait until after 5-10 different chats before introducing the idea of a face-to-face meeting. It could be better to offer a video call first, a sort of ‘in the middle’ compromise. Either way, you do not want to rush in too fast or wait too long. If you do wait too long she will either ask you about the possibility of a date or stop chatting with you, seeing your lack of asking as a lack of interest! Timing is everything….good luck!

The Perfect Online Dating Profile Picture

Now, this particular section could relate to the pictures you choose for your online dating profile or to the ones you may decide to send her during your conversations. Either way, the photo you pick could make or break your chances with a lady so you must make sure you choose wisely! If you are thinking about your dating chat profile picture it is one of the most important, alongside your profile information, decisions you will make as this will guide her first impression of you! Below are some of the ideas that would be the best choice when choosing a chat profile picture.

4 Dos & Don’ts for Photos in Your Dating Profile

Dos	Don’ts
✅ Photos with the family — whether these are photos with your siblings, children, parents, or friends these photos will have a positive effect as they add credibility to your profile. However, only use such photos on sites you trust completely or keep them to send later during personal correspondence. These photos can help start a conversation and will also say more about you than you think.	❌ Pictures with expensive cars or other objects in the background. This will make others think you are quite superficial or only attract people who are interested in superficiality. You don’t want a potential love interest to be put off because they think you will be more interested in material things than in them.
✅ Pictures of you doing something you love — this could be at a concert, theatre, museum, at work, or on your holidays (think carefully about this one, you will see why later). Not only will these attract ladies with similar interests, but they will also show potential chats a little bit about you, and what interests you and could help them strike up a conversation with you.	❌ Selfies or photos with food, drink, or cigarettes in hand. Photos of you surrounded by food or with a cigarette in your hand will reveal nothing about you or your character other than the fact that you smoke or you like a good meal! Funny photos of you with a huge slice of pizza could be a possibility as they may demonstrate your fun side, but avoid photos of you with a pint in one hand and a kebab in the other!
✅ Candid, funny photos (not rude ones though!). These will show you are a real person who does not take themselves too seriously and can laugh at themselves. Now, be careful not to put photos that are rude or offensive, but ones that poke fun at you. These could help, as another person may message asking what was happening or to make a joke with you about the photo.	❌ Pictures with little clothing (this links to the holiday bit!). As with the superficial aspect of surrounding yourself with expensive things, showing a lot of flesh will either put people off or attract the wrong sort of interest. You should keep the photos of you in your swimming trunks or ones of you straight out of the shower (wrapped in a towel, of course) for later in the relationship. You want potential love interests to see that you are looking for a serious relationship and not just a hookup. Do not rush to take off your clothes, even in the photos, as this can be done in a more appropriate way much later in the relationship!
✅ Photos with animals — got any amazing photos of you on safari? A cute photo of you holding an animal? These can be a great choice as long as they are not too cheesy. Photos with pets are excellent, but can be off-putting if they are too serious or if you have gone over the top with a pose. Keep them natural, a great picture of you playing fetch with your dog or cuddling your cat could be a great choice! You could even seek out a funny picture with your pet for a double whammy!	❌ Pictures of you squatting, kneeling, slouching, looking sad, or looking angry are a no-go. You want your photo to be 100% clear and visible. A full-length photo does not need to be boring, it could be you sitting, lying down…even jumping!

While there are many positive choices to make when picking a photo, there are also some ideas that you must avoid!

It is important that the photos you upload are of high quality, maybe even professionally done. Remember, the first thing they will see when you message them or as they scroll through potential matches is the picture. It needs to make the best first impression! It is wise to have at least one photo that is a portrait in which your face and handsome smile are clearly visible. They should be clear, bright, and, where possible, demonstrate your height and shape. Most importantly of all…make sure they are current and not ten years old! You don’t want to arrange a date and have her be shocked at how different you look from your photo! 4-6 photos that show a variety of different activities, poses, etc are best!

What Might a Woman’s Silence Mean?

Awkward silences are, well, awkward. Both parties end up feeling uncomfortable, and a connection can be lost. Now, a silent moment does not mean that the other party is not interested in you, which is often easier to spot face-to-face, i.e., they are still smiley and making eye contact but just nervous! However, knowing how the other person is feeling, especially when silent, during a type of online chat, is almost impossible to discover. You could be direct and ask why, but prepare yourself for not liking the answer (some of the time!). Here are some of the reasons your online date may go quiet.

⏩ You are just not keeping her interest. Try not to take this as criticism, she may not have the same interests as you and so this causes her attention to wander. You could say, “Sorry, I must sound really boring” or “Oh no, I’ve sent you to sleep!”. See what her response is and go from there. If she agrees with you, you have two choices: keep trying or agree that a connection is not being made and move on.
⏩ If you are chatting online with a lady from another country, it could be that her English is not at the level she would like it to be. Her answers may be short as she is using the words in her vocabulary. It could be that she is literally looking for the right words to say. If you are already aware of her cultural background, impress her by using Google Translate to write a message in her language. This will help her relax and feel more confident doing the same. You could even offer to help her with her English…a great way to make a connection!
⏩ She is busy — the hope here is that if this is true, they will tell you as such! Don’t assume a lack of response is a demonstration of disinterest. She may be too busy. Give her time. If, after a few days, you are within your rights to ask, politely, if everything is okay and why she has not responded. Do NOT hound her with “Are you okay?” or “Why aren’t you answering me?” questions!
⏩ She has other plans. It is completely plausible that she has made other plans and hasn’t told you!
⏩ It could be that she is more interested in talking to someone else and isn’t completely sure about you yet. You have two options here. Cut your losses and look for someone else, or keep trying. Whichever you choose, make sure you are respectful, no matter what the response!
⏩ She may not want to explain her silence to you and that is okay. If you pressure her into doing so you will probably lose any chance of a connection with her. She may be a bit more private or enjoy her time away from the app/ site. Respect her silence, respect her explanation and you will gain her respect.
⏩ It could just be that this is how she is. She may struggle with conversation, it may not be her strong point; Try not to see this as a challenge or as her playing hard to get. Respect her and respect who she is… it will work in your favor!

At the end of the day, the only way you will truly understand a woman’s silence is to ask her! If she remains silent when asked, then you already have your answer. However, if she does respond, it is your duty as a man, as a person, to respect her response no matter what its impact on you! Love is out there for everyone; you will find it!

Staying Safe While Chatting Online

Staying safe in online chat rooms is paramount; don’t let your guard down. You will want to make sure that who you are talking to is genuine, and that you also make sure that others realize you are not there to scam them, but are genuinely looking for love! Here are a few tips to consider!

Before you put your profile anywhere online, read the reviews of the site in question. See what others have to say about their experiences so that you can make an informed decision as to whether a site is trustworthy or not.
Make sure your profile information is true! This does not mean you have to lay out your entire life and leave some of your stories for discovering later, but make sure you are honest and write enough to start a conversation!
Keep the pictures you post unique, i.e., not on your Facebook or Instagram. This will prevent people from reverse image searching on Google or TinEye and accessing your other social media accounts or contacting you in other ways. You can also use these tools if you suspect something isn’t quite right. Reverse image searches of their profile pictures to see where else they appear online. You could find out they have just used a stock image from Google and are scamming you. Therefore, you can use these tools to protect yourself and check who is being genuine with you.
If you would prefer to keep your data well hidden, then there are some sites that can do this for you. Matchmaking is growing in this field. They keep your data safe and secure while matching you with like-minded others. They do the work of searching for you and introducing you to each other to start your online dating chats. This way, your data is secure, and you are safe in the knowledge that the other person has gone through the same process to protect themselves, thus demonstrating their genuine interest in finding love.
Be aware of your past conversations. This may seem a strange thing to say but listen carefully. You will, of course, be completely accurate with your stories and remember what you have said because it is the truth. However, if someone is lying, it is often harder for them to remember what they have said. Now, we are not saying that you should keep detailed notes about everything the other person says to you, but it is wise to keep track. If you notice discrepancies or that a story starts to differ in key details, this could be a sign that the other person is not being honest with you. When this happens, you have two choices – bring them up on it or walk away. Either way, you need to be very careful when stories start to appear false.

The world of online dating and dating chat rooms is key to creating many successful relationships. You need to make sure that you are always honest and keep your eyes peeled for anything that may seem suspicious. Chat rooms are one of the most positive aspects of online dating as they give you the opportunity to find out more with minimal risk to yourself. Do not be put off heading into the world of online dating chat rooms, as it could open doors to finding your true love.

Dating Advice for Men

Age Gaps: How Much Does Age Matter in a Relationship?

by Andy Scoggins 25/10/2024 26/03/2025

In many Western countries, the focus of much discussion is the age gap in a healthy lasting relationship. Men seem to bear the brunt of the age “shaming” if we can call it that, as it is the topic that dominates the dinner table, tabloid magazines, and of course, the discussion of dating or marrying a foreign partner.

In my travels, to Ukraine, the age argument gets tossed on its head and the taboo disappears. On over a dozen occasions I have been told that 25 is the age that a woman should already have a child, and I have personal knowledge of a doctor telling a 28-year-old woman that she had missed her window for having a healthy child. In the West, at age 25, most women are just getting married and having children even later than age 25. While it happens in the USA, it is still not as common as it used to be. This leads us to the topic of a good age difference and what a man should expect when they search for the woman of their dreams in Ukraine.

I cannot really say I subscribe to any belief that trying to find a lady who is more than 15 years younger than you are is really going to be beneficial. Yes, it is true you may find someone who is in for a fast relationship. A relationship based on material wealth and vacations to a tropical island for a week or two at a time may sound fun but it will end in disappointment for sure. My bet is that those relationships, if you can call them that, will only last as long as the credit card bill you generated when you were on this expensive vacation. It is much better to travel to meet your lady, invest in meeting her friends, and aim for a realistic age gap of 15 years or less. I can’t tell you how many dating profiles I have read that start with “age is not important” when we all know that age is VERY important.

My last relationship was with a kind woman who was 34. We had a lot in common, and she was mature for her age, had no children, and was well-traveled. That age difference seemed to be just about right for me. Any younger and I might be close in age to someone’s parents. That is a nightmare scenario for me….dating someone only to find out her parents are 3 or 4 years older than I am. Gentleman, you may find a kind woman who is a single mother who has had to be mature and grow up very fast, and in that case, I wish you all the best. I know many Western men and we all sort of came up with this joke for the men that we knew that were only spending a week in Ukraine and were going on 7 dates in 7 days with 7 women, My friends and I had relocated to Odesa would just look at each other and laughingly say “30/60” meaning we knew that they were going to be spending a lot of money going on dates with ladies half their age. Men, do not fall for this trap! Women in Ukraine are absolutely beautiful and you can easily find a woman far less than half your age. They are smart, humble, kind homemakers who are eager to please the right man. Be that RIGHT man and do not prey upon someone far younger than you and of course, do not be preyed upon by someone looking for that tropical vacation and a new iPhone for the expensive English lessons you will be asked to pay for next. 😉

This was done on my laptop with a little more thought about my own experiences and those of my friends in Ukraine before the war.

Be safe
Andy

Dating Advice & Tips Dating Advice for Men

Staying in Ukraine Before the War Started

by Andy Scoggins 07/08/2023 26/03/2025

This blog post is about my own experience in leaving Ukraine after the Russian full-scale invasion. I suppose putting myself out there for all to see might seem counterproductive, but I know only one way, honesty. In April of 2021, I flew into Odessa International Airport. I had 2 large pieces of luggage and 2 carry-on bags. Turkish airlines are good about all that free baggage! I rented an apartment for $400 a month that was about a 10-minute walk to Arcadia. I am not a fan of the Arcadia lifestyle but the apartment was new, big, and well appointed. It was there that I met someone I will call Katya (not her real name obviously). She is younger than I am by about 13 years. I don’t find this age difference to be a deal breaker. Guys, if you are reading this and wondering about the age difference dilemma… stop worrying about it! It feels like our native western countries place these unfair stereotypes on women that are younger than we are. She is a massage therapist, dietician, and nutritionist. I lost 28 pounds in 2021 and I can credit it to a healthy lifestyle that Katya reintroduced into my life.

I stayed in Odessa and became a tutor and mentor to a young man that was headed to the USA for his final 2 years of high school. Daniel is a good kid, smart, kind, and one heck of a soccer player. Katya and I dated for about a month while I taught English to Daniel and a few professionals that needed to sharpen their English.
Looking back now, it all happened so fast. I quickly fell into life in Odessa. Hot chocolate from Lviv Chocolate, pizza and wings from Chili, and Indian food on Havanna Street.

Katya and I also quickly found a rhythm with her staying with me at night more and more.
Those long walks, me in the kitchen making Mexican food for dinner, and nights watching Netflix were maybe some of the best days of my life. Time just seemed to fly by. I met many western men. Kiwi Mike, my business pal from New Zealand (thus the word Kiwi in front of his name), and my good friend Brian from Utah. They are older than I am by 5 and 8 years. Katya worked during the day, I taught English and mentored young Daniel, and we all just stayed in each other’s orbit so well. Thanksgiving rolled around and Brian was gone and that left me, Katya, Kiwi Mike, and Katya’s friend to celebrate Thanksgiving. They had never celebrated Thanksgiving so I enjoyed all of the holiday spirits!
Right around this time is when things began to become pleasantly more serious with Katya and I. We talked about family and children, girl and boy, and where to raise children.

Yes, it happened rather fast. But it all felt so right. At this point, I knew that I had overstayed the 90 days that Americans can stay in Ukraine visa-free. Katya and I talked about this a lot and we agreed that I would help support her while I left Ukraine to go back to the USA.

December 7th rolled around so fast and it was my time to leave Odesa and seek some form of visa so I could return to Ukraine before the mandatory 90 days out of the country time limit. Leaving was such a painful thing to do but I swore I would return. We talked every day and made plans. I found an attorney that also had an NGO based in Kyiv that worked with Poland on relationships between the 2 countries. This was my way back into Ukraine. First, I had to pay a penalty. It added up to about $250 US Dollars. I sent the money back to Katya to pay this fine and I also paid the attorney to begin the process of getting me back into Ukraine with his NGO. All of this happened in the first 10 days I was back in the USA. I remember dreaming about a big family, and the joy of raising more children. Two days later I asked Katya why she looked so pale…her color was a little off like she was nauseous. Right then I knew she was pregnant and I jokingly, but also kinda seriously, asked her to go buy some pregnancy tests and to use the tests 2 days in a row.

She used the 1st test and quickly told me it was positive, but that she didn’t trust the 1st test. I laughed and told her with a smile YOU ARE PREGNANT BABE! She used the 2nd test and it also came back positive. We agreed that she would go and have an ultrasound to confirm she was pregnant and also a blood test. The blood test showed us all of the hormones were there and the ultrasound showed us that she was indeed about 4 weeks pregnant. The day she had the ultrasound was so beautiful. She sent me a message via Viber that simply said look at what we made! You’re going to be a Daddy again. I had left Ukraine because I had to legally do it the right way, but I had left my now pregnant partner behind.

The New Year flew by, the overstay penalty had been paid, and the attorney had gotten all of the paperwork going for me. I won’t reveal this kind man’s name but I will say that he worked magic for me when Katya and I needed it most. She had all of the morning sickness, and all of the mood swings too 😉 but she was pregnant and it was magical. The news coming out of the western world was not good. Russia had been gathering its troops along the Ukraine border. My birthday flew by, on January 21st, and it was our personal deadline and goal for me to be back in Ukraine. I got the paperwork sent express by DHL in 3 days and presented it to the Ukrainian embassy in Washington D.C. The embassy representative asked me why I needed to go back, and again, to tell the truth, I did not mention that my partner was pregnant. As far as he was concerned I was going to Kyiv to try to calm things down and make preparations just in case of war, working with the NGO, waiting for what was to come. He double-checked all of my paperwork. The NGO provided travel insurance and an apartment, again this is what I presented to the embassy. I don’t
recommend doing this but at the same time, if any man reading this has any heart, courage, and any male fortitude…well, you would do exactly what I did to get back and to ensure the safety of my partner and our unborn child.

I had to wait for 5 days. During this time Katya got COVID very bad and she was so so sick. It was horrible news but she had the best doctors at the best hospital in Odessa.
Odrex is a great hospital and I recommend it to anyone. She got sick just after she took the train to visit her parents in Poltava Oblast, Gadyich to be exact. Her parents both got sick also and I felt so helpless. I just had to wait for the NGO visa to come through. It finally did on January 28th, 2022. Katya was very sick still and Russia had even more troops ready to invade Ukraine.

I haven’t really written about this before, but I have told small parts of this to my family and friends. Katya and I had agreed that I would bring a gender reveal kit with a black balloon and either pink or blue confetti inside. I bought maternity clothes, cool little t-shirts that said things like who your momma and call me baby, maybe! We were super excited!

She had another ultrasound this time in Poltava and we figured out that the baby would be due on August 21st. I packed warm clothes and all of the maternity stuff and off I went to Kyiv.
I was able to fly into Kyiv on February 1st, and I stayed overnight there before taking the minibus to Gadyich. It was pretty cold but I was happy to be near my partner, and proud as well. I was the first of Katya’s partners to meet her parents. We rented a nice apartment in Gadyich for 5 days but eventually, her family wanted us to move in with them for safety.

The farmhouse was just big enough for her parents and for us. Her brother lived in Gadyich with his wife and newborn daughter. Many of my friends and family worried about my safety. They also worried about food and the basics. This was NOT a worry! The cellar had wall-to-wall potatoes, onions, carrots, glass jars with fruit and duck, and vegetables. They had enough food to last a whole year easily plus about 40 ducks, 20 or so chickens, and 2 large pigs. I am an Army veteran and I know that during war small towns and cities tend to fall apart, but in Ukraine, the people are just so well prepared, or rather, they were well prepared in Gadyich. Let me tell you… Netflix became our best friend. We had plenty of food and water and the house was super warm. Her family was welcoming and kind and they enjoyed my cooking too!

Katya’s grandmother (baba) invited us over for a welcome dinner and a celebration of the pregnancy. Katya had her 12-week ultrasound in Poltava and the machine was not very new. From what the doctors could tell Katya had about 30% too much amniotic fluid in her placenta but it was close to normal. And of course, with COVID no one really knew if this was normal.

I could write about COVID and the registration and immunization process in Ukraine but that is a whole other blog that details corruption, superstition, and sadly some old-fashioned stubborn mentality. Katya did not have the COVID vaccine in real life but she sure did pay someone to register her on the DIA to show she was indeed vaccinated! I did not agree with this and I do not agree with it still. But what could I really do? I believe a woman’s body is her own. I believe that decisions about our baby should have been made jointly but it was too late… she was pregnant and had COVID already and she had recovered, or so we thought.

The story continues in the next post “Beginning of the Invasion of Ukraine February 24, 2022”

Dating Advice & Tips Dating Advice for Men Uncategorized

Beginning of the Invasion of Ukraine February 24, 2022

by Andy Scoggins 16/07/2023 26/03/2025

The story started in the previous post “Staying in Ukraine Before the War Started”

The news said February 16 was the day of the invasion and the start of the war. That day came and went. We stocked up on cheese and fresh fruit for Katya to build up her immunity again. On the 24th we were woken up to jets flying over the farm followed by helicopters. The pictures on the walls shook and some fell to the floor. I remember her father Sergei asking me what I was going to do if the Russians shoot at me. I answered that I would shoot back at ANYONE that shot at me, and I would not miss! Her family asked me why I came from the safety of the USA to the cold countryside where a war was sure to start. This is an easy answer. I am not a hero, but I sure as hell am not a zero either! Her father respected me for coming all that way. It was the right thing to do, period, and I would do that all over again, minus the sad ending. I have lost a few male friends over this topic of my trip to evacuate Katya from Ukraine.

The US Embassy sent me an email and called me every day for the whole month of February. I had one man assigned to me and he did a good job of checking up on us. He was a good man but some of these “men” that I knew told me to leave her there, send money, or just find another Ukrainian woman. This was sad and shocking, and it angered me. I dropped quite a few so-called men, so-called friends, in February and March. They all talked a big game yet they all still sat on their couches, couch surfing, as we had missiles going over our heads and full-on war took over Ukraine, like an infection slowly taking hold of the proud, strong people I met.

Finally, I talked Katya’s family into agreeing to let me take her out of Ukraine. That was the goal of the trip. We talked a lot and prayed a lot, and consulted with doctors in the USA. It was too soon to tell just how healthy the baby was and at 12 then 14 weeks.
Things would become very serious very fast. On our last night there we got together with her family on the 15-acre farm that her family had just purchased for somewhere around $750. It had a small brick house that needed quite a bit of work, but the gem on this property was all of the mature fruit trees. They had apples, pears, persimmons, and grapes on the vine.

This was March 1st. We had a great meal with lots of Vodka, and my fried chicken was a hit. There might be some pictures attached to the blog with the faces politely blurred out.
The images lend a hand to this entire very long story. In Gadyich all of the ATMs but one were boarded up, and the one that was in operation only dispensed 1000 UAH per transaction. The pharmacies had begun to run out of essential medications. This was happening just like I have seen before in the Middle East. Small towns run out of fuel, and medication, then the supermarket shelves begin to remain empty. This is what Russia wanted. I sustained a traumatic brain injury (TBI) in November of 2013 so now I have an epileptic seizure disorder. It is controlled with medication and I had plenty of my special medications from the USA but Katya was pregnant and needed advanced care. Imagine all of the senior citizens or those that are diabetic. What would they do when the pharmacies ran out of essential medicine?

To back up a little, I sustained the TBI and my neck was also basically crushed from level C3 to C7. In my travel insurance blog, you can read how this injury happened. I didn’t dive into the lasting effects of this TBI and neck injury but the side effects will last forever. With food (other than the food in the cellar) like fruits and milk in short supply and SUPER LONG 4-kilometer lines to get petrol, the time for us to leave Gadyich had arrived.

The story continues in the next post “My Fleeing from the War in Ukraine”

Dating Advice for Men Uncategorized

My Fleeing from the War in Ukraine

by Andy Scoggins 17/06/2023 26/03/2025

The story started in the previous posts:
Staying in Ukraine Before the War Started
Beginning of the Invasion of Ukraine February 24, 2022

We made it to Poltava after paying 3500 UAH to the taxi driver. This poor guy… in retrospect, I put him in an awkward position. My partner was pregnant, and the main road to Poltava was heavily guarded with all the accessories or war set along the way for the Russian troops. I am a veteran and so for “operational security” I won’t get into all of the ways the main road to Poltava was rigged or the locations and how we made it on the back roads to Poltava from Gadyich. It’s safe to say that no one would have made it up that road and out the other side alive. I booked a hotel room for 1 night. It was more like just 8 hours, from 4 pm to midnight because we had a train to catch from Poltava to Odesa just after midnight.

In Poltava, the ATM machines worked normally. The stores had almost all of their normal inventory and the pharmacies had essential medications. We stopped to pick up some more prenatal vitamins just in case the situation in Odesa was different, and in case our route out of Ukraine was long or the stores were empty. We shopped for snacks for the night train and had a chance to call Boston Children’s Hospital while we waited. Boston Children’s Hospital is the best hospital in the world for newborn babies and for complicated pregnancies. We were at around 15 weeks pregnant now. The fluid surrounding our baby was still increasing but the baby had a strong heartbeat. We needed to get to Odrex in Odessa quickly for their advanced technology to properly diagnose what was going on in Katya’s womb. Wow, I have not written that word, womb, since early March. I haven’t had that word cross my lips until just now. Maybe I have been blocking it put? That word, womb, brings up a flood of emotions. Maybe later in another blog, I will get into all that. The joy and hope of the future, and the crushing sadness that you will read about in this blog later. Of course, we didn’t really have a good live video of the ultrasound so all we could send Boston were the pictures and an 18-second long video that was from 12 weeks pregnant. In my mind, my job was to arrive in Ukraine, make sure my partner was safe and healthy, and then make sure the baby was safe and healthy. Katya was healthy, but we had a growing fear that the baby was not okay. We ate a good meal, made love like the world was ending, and then we went to sleep for a few hours. Surely, I can’t be the only person that has a rush of emotional energy after a torrent of tears that seemed to have fallen from nowhere! The time had come for us to make our way to the train station.

I took my partner’s advice and booked a hotel room about 300 meters from the train station. There was a curfew but we had tickets and luggage, and yes, my D visa gave me the confidence I needed to walk in the dark towards the heavily armed men at the train station. One of them spoke broken English so I basically showed him my passport and D visa while Katya explained the purpose of our travel. We bought some extra drinks and candy bars for this purpose! I admire soldiers that stand for the cause of patriotism! They accepted the food and drinks and helped us towards the train station. With only 1 window open the place was still packed with older Ukrainians, women, and children.

The air rate siren came on loudly and the soldiers came in and turned off the lights. We were all shown the way to a Soviet Era fallout shelter. My guess is that there were 200 of us in that shelter. It was hot and many people prayed and cried. I firmly believe that God and the universe send us the right things just at the right time. Angels can come along, and I think they can take the form of just about anything. As we sat there one of those little angels appeared. The angel appeared in the form of a little deaf boy with his dead family. This is 100% true. I have a video of the train station and my Google maps have every movement from that night and all of the time before and after that night. The boy had blond hair, almost white really. He had no expression but I could tell he was scared. He just stared at the floor while he tried to avoid the very large dog next to us. The dog had a muzzle on!!! I watched this boy and his parents talk, or rather sign to each other. In the saddest moments in the past couple of years, things like this have been happening to me. This boy with no facial expression was being so brave. He was maybe 8 years old and didn’t cry at all, NOT ONCE. Surely, he knew that a war had been started by Russia. There is no way that his family heard the air raid siren but the mother in this family had the coolest little radio with a LED screen attached. She was reading what was happening in Poltava while we were all listening to it. Something compelled me to just start playing ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS with this brave boy. At first, he didn’t want to play but I think he felt safe, after all, I was between him and the large dog! We played for another 5 minutes before the soldiers came and walked us up and out to the waiting train.

Katya and I finally boarded the midnight train at nearly 1 a.m. The lights were not turned on except for emergency lighting. Katya was scared. The reality of visiting a large city set in. We reserved 2 top bunks but when we got into our cabin there were 5 men already in our beds. She got a little upset and snapped at all 5 of them. They didn’t speak Ukrainian very well, and although Katya knows Russian, she is a proud Ukraine and speaks Ukrainian 99% of the time. In Gadyich, Poltava Oblast, they all spoke Ukrainian all the time. There is such national pride there. The soil is ripe for planting and is as black as night. There’s such great culture and respect for Ukrainian society there. On the train, I asked the 5 kinda short men why they were in our cabin. One of them answered that they were construction workers from Azerbaijan. They were fleeing the missile attacks in Kharkiv. Our train started in Kharkiv then ventured north and west to Poltava, then down to Odesa. You can imagine how an upset woman, worried about pregnancy and worried about her family, could really not be happy with 5 men that didn’t pay for the whole cabin occupying where we were going to sleep. We both believe in Karma, mother earth, and God, so I calmed her down and told her that these men were just trying to escape with their lives. However, that did not save the train conductor that these 5 men clearly had bribed into being on the train in the first place. I would not want to be that guy. She vented her feelings and I helped her hop onto the top bunk. The train stopped maybe every 45 minutes for security reasons. There were troops on our train walking from cabin to cabin looking for suspicious people. About 6 hours into our 9-hour trip south to Odessa one of the men offered me a hotdog… that didn’t go well for them… Katya doesn’t eat pork or beef AND still got very nauseous easily. I tried to warn them but I was not fast enough She lit into those guys so fast! I kinda snickered under my breath at what I knew was going to happen…she was Verbally tearing someone’s head off, and even though things were high stress, it was kinda sexy and funny to see her take charge like that. Those poor guys didn’t have a chance.

We arrived in Odessa to some snow. In December I made a video of a little snow falling outside our apartment in there but it felt like this snow was greeting us, both beautiful and also a chilling sign of what was to come in the following days.
Katya and I checked into our Airbnb apartment and quickly took a taxi to Odrex Medical Center. We made an appointment with their best doctor because she used to newest ultrasound machine from Germany. It was in 3D and color and would tell us all we needed to know about the baby. This was almost 15 weeks from the day of her pregnancy. I made a video of this ultrasound to keep as a memory of our baby that was safe in her belly. I mentioned out loud that maybe it was too soon to tell if our baby was a boy or a girl. The doctor had a difficult time locating the hands and feet at first but then my partner said in a very happy voice “Andy, it’s a boy!” I was about 3 seconds away from making that video live for my mother and sister to see but I wanted the moment to be special between only us. The doctor spoke pretty good English and told us that we needed to have a serious conversation. Katya and I both looked at each other because we knew this was not going to be good news. The doctor told us that the baby had 6 chambers of the heart not 4 like you and I. Our unborn son had serious neurological issues, with his little hands and feet all contracted into little fists. The esophagus was not formed properly and the heartbeat while strong, was too fast. I had my arm cradling Katya. Her body went limp and weak in my arm. I had to quickly wrap my arms around her to support her weight so she would not fall down. She wept like a child, then I wept like a child, and we both sat down arm in arm, totally stunned. I think I can speak for both of us and say we were in total disbelief. In total there were 9 really serious things wrong with our unborn son. The doctor told us we needed to call the Genetics hospital and some other specialists, but no one answered the telephone. I tried to keep her calm by calling some doctors in the USA that I worked with. I sent the ultrasound to Boston Children’s Hospital and the Mayo Clinic, both are world-class. I have gone through a lot in my life. I have seen death up close, and lost family members, friends, and other loved ones but nothing compared to this feeling of hopelessness. Ladies reading this… a good man is just taught and/or born with the ability to come in and fix just about anything that is wrong. When we can’t fix things that are horribly wrong it is one of the worst feelings. I didn’t want to lie to her and we both had talked about, read, and researched every possible outcome of the pregnancy. Not one scenario included our unborn son living a healthy, productive life. Back in the apartment, I called a dozen or so doctors and specialists. I called the US embassy staff to inquire about a medical evacuation for my partner. If she was my wife we could have gotten help but we both were so caught off guard with the pregnancy that we had only touched on the topic of marriage and a wedding. When we did talk about it I remember her mother being angry at me that I talked about a wedding after Easter and before April the 8th (I believe these dates are right). These dates it seems are holy days in Ukrainian culture and the church. I had to respect their beliefs, but looking back again, I wish I had gone ahead and at least filled out the paperwork for immigration with Katya as my fiance’. Did I love her? Yes! Did the baby come along to speed things up? Yes! If things had not gone horribly south (I will get to all of that near the end of this blog) I would have done my best to marry her. It’s hard to explain this situation other than to say I am a man of action, not words, and that I left that safety of the USA to return to Ukraine to take my pregnant, sick partner to safety through all means necessary! I did that and it’s done now. I am not in love now and I struggle sometimes with the reality that August 21st is approaching without a little boy on the way. In our apartment, there was a strange vibe. The best way to describe it is the word surreal. I made a video during the day and one at night of the air raid sirens sounding off in the distance. During the day I set my phone in the window and opened it a little. The sound of an incoming missile attack is heard very clearly. A few seconds later the sound of an explosion can be heard. At night we could hear church bells and the air raid siren. It felt like a scene from the Walking Dead like the apocalypse was upon us! As Katya’s protector and at the time, finally knowing how sick my partner was, along with our unborn son, I just didn’t have time to break down or be scared. I was as steady as I have ever been in my whole life. I can say it rather matter of fact because all of the western men I knew had all left Odessa, leaving behind the people and places we all had grown to love.

Katya and I waited for news from America, from the specialists that would help us make the best-educated decision for the future, and for our son. Part of me wishes I could go back and replace the horrible news that we got about our unborn son with some better, happier memories. I don’t know if anyone reading this will relate, but this is part of what happened. We made love like crazy like it was the last time we would take another breath on this earth. In a way, it felt like the world was ending. Our unborn son would never see the light of day, or take a breath outside of his mother’s miraculous womb. Neither of us knew 100% that we would have to make a life-altering decision or that we would never make love to each other again, or that our blossoming relationship would end, but we soon found out.

We woke to an air raid siren at 6:40 am. I remember this time because it is still on the calendar on my phone. I can say again that God was looking out for us that day. I called car rental agencies all over Ukraine but no one answered. Being the arrogant American that I am, I didn’t give up. I called B**** rental car based at the Odessa International Airport 3 times. On the 3rd call, a man answered. I will not say his name because he did us a huge favor and I’m pretty sure we were also putting money straight into his pocket. He told me that he was in Moldova and that we could rent an SUV for $300 for one day. I knew it was taking more than one day to cross the border so I told him $300 for the distance from Odessa to Moldova. Conservative men reading then, and ladies that believe in a woman’s choice, pay close attention to this part. The kind staff on this website said I should write if it will help someone. Well, this will help someone for sure! The Boston Children’s Hospital had emailed me their best medical advice, and my friends in the USA that are doctors also gave their opinion. We prayed a lot, and cried a lot, made love like teenagers, and cried some more, and in the end, we decided that our son would be better in heaven, on the right shoulder of God than suffering here on earth with many serious health issues. This was Katya’s 1st pregnancy and statistics tell us that 20% of 1st pregnancies end in miscarriage. Our unborn son was holding onto life for now 15 weeks. We talked about where to go to have this very serious surgery done. Poland has turned into a hyper-conservative country when it comes to abortion. In our case, the emergency abortion had to sole purpose of saving Katya’s life and womb and doing the most humane thing possible for our unborn child.

In Poland, abortion is nearly totally illegal. A court has to give their opinion on the necessity of abortion and in truth, we just didn’t have time to explain this entire situation to some strangers that didn’t know a single thing about our lives and future goals. Of course, I knew that the relationship could end, but I am a good enough man and human being to know that with me or without me, Katya would want a family one day and her womb had to be preserved. Our minds were 95% sure of what we needed to do but Poland was out of the picture. We agreed that we did not need ANY government body deciding the fate of our unborn son or Katya, his mother. The issue of abortion is not a black and white one. There is so much gray area that the one size fits all approach just does NOT work! We decided on a route, out of Odessa into Moldova and then on to an EU country. We chose Bucharest, Romania. The car rental guy (I can’t say his name) and I agreed on a price and we set off for the border. I knew this car rental deal was under the table because he wanted me to pay him cash when I arrived, and the contract being handwritten was a dead giveaway. I can’t blame the guy. He had a family to take care of. He was helping us in a huge way and I didn’t mind paying him the $300. We made it smoothly until we got near the Ukraine and Moldova border. I took some pictures and made a video of the chaos that we encountered. I can only describe the state of mind of those that we saw as truly desperate, angry, scared but most of all, nearly out of their minds. It felt like we were in the Twilight Zone, an alternate universe. One-way traffic coming and going, in and out of Ukraine, had turned into 4 lanes of traffic leaving Ukraine, only parting to let the few cars coming back into Ukraine pass through. The line of traffic 4 lanes across reached at least 12 kilometers deep. Women and children were being let out of cars with their luggage to walk to the border checkpoint. Young mothers pushed baby carriages and pulled luggage all at the same time. Little children were forced to walk that great distance with their own luggage, their entire lives now reduced to whatever would fit into their luggage or on their bodies. This was one of the saddest things I have ever witnessed with my own eyes. While the line was mostly women, there were also men, military-age men, making whatever excuse they could to leave and not defend their country like true patriots would. A rich young man, maybe age 26 was right next to us in his Porshe.

Anyone that has visited Ukraine knows that different regions have different car license plates. This rich kid was from Kyiv for sure. At one point I made a video of me raging angry that there were so many men leaving! There was a news crew from Bulgaria right behind us in traffic. I got so mad that I walked right back to the open window and told the female reporter what I was seeing. I told her “the real story is not the war now, it’s the men that are cowardly leaving their country.” She told me that military-age men were not allowed to leave. I sort of laughed at her and told her to open her eyes and turn on her camera. I had a D visa and an American passport. Legally I should have been allowed to pass but we would make a little headway only to see 3 or 4 men blocking the road. After this happened a few times I finally got out of the car! There was about to be a physical confrontation. I don’t get scared easily and I am protective of those I love and care for. These men were standing in the way of advanced medical care for Katya and our unborn son. The camera crew really saved me from having a fight. As soon as the men blocking the road would shout, she was there with a camera in their faces. Those cowardly men didn’t care that I had a sick partner or that I had a version of a diplomatic visa. They were just trying to get out and hide, like fat cockroaches, scattering when the lights come on. I give those men no thought at all now, as to their safety or if they are alive. They remain cowards and have to live with that. If Katya had not been sick, I would have taken her out of Ukraine and gone back to train medics on advanced battlefield medical techniques.

We sat in a very long line at the Ukraine/Moldova border. I took the road that guided us to the left and away from the super long line of women and children along with thousands of cars waiting to enter Moldova. The site of all of those women and children, the Red Cross tents, the fences, and the pure panic of the situation left me with some of the most horrible memories of my life. I would not wish even my worst enemy to see and hear what Katya and I went through on that journey. Altogether we sat in a slow-moving line of cars and people filled with drama for 27 hours. Katya could get out of the car to empty her bladder, but I was not about to leave the 1-year-old rental car with Kate inside to deal with all of the crazy, sometimes aggressive people. The protector in me came to life. I switched to survival mode and while she got out to empty her bladder where the other ladies were doing it, I used a water bottle. Maybe this detail should be left out but we left Odessa fully prepared, with food and water, blankets and pillows, but nothing for me to empty my bladder in. Sorry to be so graphic in my description but it is part of what happened and maybe it will help someone reading this prepare in case they have to evacuate their home. My Google maps will show this border crossing.

Because I have an American passport with a Ukrainian D visa I was able to pass through the border crossing relatively easily. My partner was treated with dignity and respect, and then she was asked if she needed any medical attention. At the Moldova border from what I could see they were equipped with basic first aid, although I did see an ambulance ready to help those in need. We needed help but had decided that Bucharest would be the best option. No offense to Moldova, but it is the poorest region in Europe and that meant we had to keep moving. I was very tired when we crossed the border into Moldova at around 1 a.m. If I had stopped to sleep at that time I would have slept for too long. I vividly remember the snow rushing at the windshield of the rental car. Again, snow greeted us in a new place. This was the 2nd time it happened. The first time was upon our arrival in Odessa, our hometown, and the city where we met. Instead of rest, I decided to drive into the early morning hours to make it to the capital where we could drop off the rental car and buy bus tickets to Bucharest. I made it to the capital but there were no hotel rooms and no Airbnb rooms or apartments available either. I did find 2 or 3 for $300 to $450. This was capitalism at its worst. Instead of taking care of Ukrainians fleeing war, Moldovans had jacked the prices up in what we call in the west, “price gouging.”

The USA has many things wrong with it but our government officials do set rules and guidelines during disasters and disarray like what we were seeing in Moldova. Gouging is illegal and, in my opinion, immoral! I decided to park in a big parking lot of a luxury mall with round-the-clock security and to leave the car running to keep it nice and warm. As of that date in March of 2022, Moldovan government officials had set restrictions on Ukraine hryvnia exchanges and the maximum at that time was 1000 UAH per Ukrainian. I tried to exchange several thousand hryvnias but I don’t hold a Ukrainian passport and was turned away. I treated Katya to a good, nutritional breakfast at a French Cafe known for their big breakfast. I had crepes and she had crepes and a breakfast fruit salad. We had the entire day to waste while we waited for the night bus to Bucharest at 10 p.m. That was March 4th. I remember this date because of what we had to do the next day, March 5th. We agreed to meet the car rental manager that night at 9 p.m. I drove around for a while and then we parked and walked for a little bit. We were surprised to see so many very nice cars and SUVs from Ukraine. I got out of the car while Katya used a pack of baby wipes to take what my mother would call “a bird bath.” This refers to using baby wipes to clean all of the parts of our bodies that need to be cleaned every day without taking a full shower.

We took turns in the car taking our bird bath. She went first and then I cleaned up as well. I remember every detail of those days because of what was happening in our lives. We had pasta for dinner and some fresh bread. Night finally fell on the city and I drove near the buses all parked to pick up and drop off. The car rental manager met us there. I paid him in hryvnias and we walked to our bus. The bus was packed and cold. Few people wore masks but we did. We were 95% sure of what had to be done but there was still a small chance that all of the prenatal checkups were totally wrong. 5% with pregnancy is still enough to be super careful. We wore masks on the bus the entire time. The roads are not the best but we made good time to the Romanian border. All at once, we handed our passports to the front of the bus. We just sat and waited for Romanian border control to check our passports, then to stamp and return them to us. My passport was the only American one on the bus. There was a military-age Russian man sort of hiding among us. He got questioned for easily 30 minutes, delaying our 10-hour bus trip even more. They must have sorted out his story because they gave him his passport back. He was scared and embarrassed. It’s safe to say his journey out of Ukraine had been a scary one with that Russian passport.

The story continues in the next post “Hospital”

Dating Advice & Tips Dating Advice for Men

Hospital

by Andy Scoggins 17/05/2023 26/03/2025

This story started in the previous posts:

Katya and I arrived just after 7 in the morning in Bucharest, Romania. The day before, I made reservations at an Airbnb apartment for a bedroom and bathroom rental. The owner of the apartment, Andre, told me that the top private hospital in Bucharest was giving free or discounted medical care to Ukrainians fleeing the war. Katya was officially now a refugee. We took an Uber to the center of Bucharest, unpacked a little, and decided to take a short nap before heading to Regina Maria Maternity Hospital. She slept, and I talked to Andre. I called ahead and talked to the refugee assistance secretary about our medical situation. Boston Children’s Hospital had already given us their best advice, and unless the ultrasound was about to reveal something new, we were about to follow through with a decision I pray no one ever has to go through with. Katya slept for Mayne an hour before waking up, very upset and anxious. We talked, cried, and talked some more before calling an Uber to the hospital. There were still COVID restrictions in place, but they did let me into the hospital and examination room with Katya. The first 3 doctors came in along with a technician. Then 3 more doctors came in and they started the final ultrasound of Katya’s womb and of the baby. Two machines did the same tests on her womb and on the baby. They didn’t go into a lot of detail, but they did show the 6 chambers of the baby’s heart, along with the high heart rate, and in color, the way the blood flowed through the baby’s heart. It was bad, all so, so bad. The doctors were all surprised our unborn son was still fighting for life, but they also told us the reality of our situation and the cold reality of what was to come. We asked for just 1 hour to walk and to find a Ukrainian Orthodox priest.

The hospital didn’t have a clergyman on staff. We told them to give us just an hour to digest all of what had happened over the previous few days. We had passed an Italian restaurant in the Uber and as crazy as it may sound, she was hungry and wanted “real Italian food” she said. I still remember what we ordered for lunch. We ate and talked and cried a few tears before walking hand in hand back to the hospital. It was a fast 5-minute walk, the saddest 5 minutes of my life so far. We walked inside and checked in, and met the nurse for blood tests. I was not allowed to go to the back where Katya was going. I was upset, but the nurse told me she would be back in 30 minutes. I kissed her on the cheek and instinctively kissed her belly, our unborn son, goodbye. I had kissed her belly since February 1st when I arrived in Ukraine. It was like breathing to me… just part of my normal everyday life. It felt great to be a father AGAIN. Of course, I was excited. My son Evan is now 18. I am ready and was ready to be a father to any healthy child, although another boy would have been amazing. I still remember my partner Katya telling me, “Andy, it’s a boy!” I still have the video I made during the ultrasound. Katya vanished through a doorway for what seemed like an eternity.

After an hour, my phone rang and she called me to tell me that I was not allowed to see her until after the surgery for health and sanitary reasons. It was shocking to me to hear this. This was her first time in a hospital, her first surgery, and sadly, her first child. 20% of first pregnancies end in miscarriage, and this one had gone terribly wrong. I admit I was angry at the nurse who had told me I could see Katya again. Maybe she forgot or was trying to make it easier on us, but I was angry, angry that I didn’t say the things I needed to say to our baby, and angry that I was not able to comfort Katya before the emergency surgery. This emergency abortion would save her life and preserve her womb for the future, and it would remove the unhealthy life that we had created, that COVID had so horribly affected, and there was nothing I could do to save Katya or our unborn son. Maybe I was angry about the whole messed-up situation! The war, leaving her family, the missiles raining down on Ukraine, the senseless death of young men, the innocent people of Ukraine dying every day, and yes, about COVID and the life that we would not ever be able to live again! I was made to wait outside. I waited as long as I could in the cold weather until about 6 p.m. in the evening. I was cold and wet, so I ordered an Uber to come to take me back to the apartment. It was nearly 6:45 when I made it back to the apartment, when my phone rang. It was Katya telling me she had not been in surgery yet. She had waited all day, and at this point, things had begun to unravel in her head. She was upset and tired, and now hungry. I called the refugee secretary to see what the hold-up was. The doctor had 3 surgeries to do before Katya. Around 9 p.m., she called me to tell me she was going into surgery. She was understandably scared. Guys, I am sure you can understand this. I don’t need to control everything, but I do very much feel the need to comfort those I love and care for. I was literally sick with worry. I did not eat. In fact, I vomited many times that night.

We had to make the most difficult decision of our lives. Katya called me just before 11 p.m. She was out of surgery and awake. She was drowsy and sore but awake and talking. We didn’t talk for long because she needed to call her mother. We said our goodbyes, and I went to sleep. I didn’t sleep well that night and woke up in a bad mood.

I woke in a bad mood after the previous 72 hours of what felt like hell on earth. We had traveled from Poltava to Odesa only to get horrible news about our unborn child, fled Odesa under missiles being fired into the city, waited for nearly 24 hours in a tinted line of cars leaving Ukraine, and I had been in some pretty intense altercations with cowards that didn’t feel like it was their job to defend their homeland. Arriving in Bucharest after an overnight bus, we had to make a decision that would alter our lives forever… end the life of our unborn son because his little heart was just not going to survive outside his mother’s womb, and for sure not the full 9 months of Katya’s pregnancy. His tiny body was 40% too small on the left side, with both arms and legs very short compared to the right side. Neurological issues would have meant that if our unborn son had made it into this world that he would never walk, never crawl, or be able to feed himself, and that would be IF he had a healthy heart, which he did not have.

All of this added to the stress of the journey. Katya came out of surgery and was resting when I woke up the next morning. She called to tell me her phone was nearly dead, so I called an Uber and took a portable battery bank with me to give to her so she could call me when they discharged her from the women’s hospital. I arrived, and the front desk personnel took her to the power bank. She called to thank me and said it may be an hour or more. As I write this, I can think back to that morning like it was just yesterday. I remember her voice and the pain in her goodbye. I looked for a place for us to eat breakfast when she got discharged, but the security guard told me I had to leave. So, Uber took me to a place for breakfast when Katya called me out of the blue to say she was ready. THAT WAS FAST! I added where I had just come from to the Uber trip. We turned around, and I went back to the women’s hospital. She was ready when I got there. She looked pale and so, so fragile. She had a list of medications to pick up for the pain and bleeding. While she was in the hospital I searched online for places for us to stay more permanently. There were housing opportunities all over Bucharest for people fleeing Ukraine. I had called one man who had a nice apartment, but he called me back at the last minute to tell me that other refugees had called first and that they would need the apartment more than we did.

They had children. Even now, writing “they had children” hurts me to my core. We got back to the Airbnb and went to breakfast. We had just sat down when the same man who told us the apartment was occupied called to tell me that the other refugees had gotten stuck at the border and that we could have the apartment. This was such good news. For the first time in a few days, there was at least some hope, some light at the end of this dark journey. We ate a quick breakfast, thanked Andre for letting us stay, and called a taxi to take us to our new apartment. The owner of the apartment met us and helped me carry our 3 very big bags up the stairs. The apartment was close to a few markets and restaurants. It was new and had a full kitchen, a full bathroom with a bathtub, a big screen TV, extra bedding for a rollaway bed, and a queen-size bed for us to sleep in. The apartment must have been no more than 3 or 4 years old. We unpacked and settled in for a few minutes before asking the owner, our host, to take us to the pharmacy for Katya’s medication.

The day before, she, or rather WE had been pregnant, but today here we were in line at the pharmacy buying medicine for bleeding pads for the bleeding, and pain medication for Katya to soothe the spasms from her womb after the emergency abortion. This moment is so vivid in my memory. Standing there buying medications for pain and bleeding after all we had been through to get out of Ukraine was such a hard pill to swallow (a figure of speech, pardon the pun). One of the reasons for me to do all I had done was the D visa, the days and days in Gadyich with her family, the trip to Odessa, the waiting and waiting in the car to escape the war, and it was gone now. Yes, it’s true I would have gone back anyway to get my partner out of the war zone, but losing the baby, even if the baby was unplanned and a total surprise, still hurt like a son of a $@tch!

We got back to the apartment and I walked to the market for food and water. I bought food that Katya liked for me to cook, stuff for salad, chicken and rice, and a few sweets. When I got back, Katya was in pain and had stomach cramps. She said her breasts were on fire and leaking milk. Again, reminding us that the baby was gone and that her body didn’t know what to feel or how to handle the strain. She is such a strong person, and I am sure she will feel the pain of this loss for the entirety of her life. She took some medication and slept for a while. When she woke I cooked dinner and we watched our usual after-dinner Netflix. We went to bed kinda early. The apartment was well-equipped and we were so lucky to have this nice place in a nice area. It was totally free. We woke to snow outside. I remember this beautiful scene because I made a video of the snow and gave a small speech on the video to celebrate International Women’s Day. Each time a milestone happened in our journey, snow usually fell. This day was no different. Snow fell, and I hoped secretly that it would purify and wash away the stress of the long trip to Bucharest and the horrible but necessary choices we had to make there.

The story continues in the next post, “My Thoughts on Relationship with Ukrainian Woman.”

Dating Advice & Tips Dating Advice for Men Uncategorized

My Thoughts on Relationship with Ukrainian Woman

by Andy Scoggins 25/04/2023 02/04/2025

This story started in the previous posts:

In all of my travels, I haven’t ever remembered such a combination of stress, anger, worry, joy, and disappointment. The unprovoked war in Ukraine dislodged me from my life in Odesa. It created unnecessary stress, unnecessary travel, and unexpected trials and tribulations. Of course, a pregnancy was totally unplanned and unexpected, but as so many profiles on slavic-girl.com say, a man of action, not just words, is what they want, so that is who I am! Regret does not come to mind in my decision to travel from the safety of the USA back to Ukraine. It needed to be done, and in some strange way, it was a test of who I am. At my age, I feel like I have evolved enough to know what to do instinctively. It did not take days and days of deep thought.

Katya was pregnant, and the baby was mine. Katya was in pain when we woke, so I gave her some of my own medication. My neck is titanium, and I take strong medication for neuropathy and seizures. If someone taking this medication doesn’t have a seizure disorder, it is still strong enough to relieve pain and cause sedation. It felt so weird not to wear our masks anymore. We wore masks, so Katya and the baby would remain healthy, but now she was not pregnant, and it felt like wearing the mask was a sad reminder of what we had lost — a baby boy, a soul that would never grow into its full potential. By this point of the trip, I had carried our heavy luggage up and down many flights of stairs. I had loaded and unloaded it many times. We had sat in a car for what seemed like days, and I had to help carry Katya up 3 levels of stairs after the emergency abortion.

My lower back was wrecked. My neck is titanium and strong, but the strain and stress of all that weight began to wear me down. I now had my own health issues to deal with. After breakfast, I went to Regina Maria Hospital to see a neurologist. I left Katya in the apartment to rest and recover. The doctor ordered an MRI of my neck and lower back. The results came back with a crazy cancer scare. So, I began taking heavy pain medication and medication for stress management. Stress can increase the likelihood of an epileptic episode. I found all of the medication I was supposed to take at a pharmacy near the apartment we had been given to stay in. Together, I think Katya and I could have opened our own pharmacy! The first evening after the emergency abortion, Katya began to notice that I was not acting like myself. Now I realize that she could tell that one of the medications was not agreeing with my body. I just blew it off like nothing was wrong. She smiled through, and we both tried to sleep.

My Raiffeisen bank card had stopped working, and I quickly discovered that the Raiffeisen bank in Ukraine was nothing like the Raiffeisen bank branch in Bucharest. In the mall, they had a location where I could open a new account. I found the food court and got some Middle Eastern food to take back to Katya. I also ordered a Swarovski ring to go with the 4 pieces of Swarovski I had bought for Kate in the past. She loved Swarovski, and I did too. I took the food back to the apartment. We talked and ate and cried some more. I credit losing weight and eating the right kinds of food for Katya’s lifestyle. She is a dietitian, a nutritionist, and a massage therapist. We always ate a good variety of food, and she liked that I could cook a wide variety of foods.

Maybe the medication I was taking began to show its true side effects, or maybe it was the stress, but I didn’t even realize that my patience was growing shorter. When my neck was repaired with titanium, I took the same medication,s and I was fine, so I think it was the stress and the loss. The stress of it all finally showed in both of us. It’s really hard to say what it was, but either way, soon it would not matter.

I am writing this next part because I think it is important to start any relationship in an honest way. Starting this blog for the Slavic Girl agency seems no different. Those of you reading this deserve honesty, so I will try to be as honest as possible. I woke up on the 8th of March and took a bath. Katya cooked some breakfast for us. We sat at a small table in the kitchen and ate while the snow fell outside. She was in a lot of pain and taking medication. My lower back hurt a lot, and I was taking something for the pain. We were both under stress and had different versions of what happened that morning. In my defense, I can say with 100% certainty that I never wake up in a bad mood. I look at each day with an open mind and a clean slate. Katya tells me that I looked at our breakfast and said, “you must be trying to make me angry!” I am very sure I looked at the large pot of food and said, “You must be very hungry,” because she had cooked such a large amount of food for breakfast.

We sat and ate and watched the snow, we smiled and laughed at some of the crazy things that had happened on our trip… the water bottle filled with, well… the result of me not being able to get out of the car to use the restroom while we evacuated Ukraine! A female Moldovan guard had looked through the car door and picked it up. We both cracked up laughing because the guard didn’t seem to notice what was in the bottle! We washed our dishes and lay back down in bed. Our ritual was to watch Netflix, so we turned on a movie. This part of the mid-morning is a blur to me. Katya was in pain, and somehow, we had gotten on the topic of why we had lost the baby. Was it COVID? She had paid a doctor to register her on the DIA as having been vaccinated, but in reality, she is against vaccinations. Was this why she had gotten COVID? I had the Johnson and Johnson Vaccine and had not been sick at all, ever, since the COVID outbreak started. Did her vegan diet before we met cause some abnormalities in her egg, our baby?

She had started to eat fish and chicken, and turkey shortly before we met, and I didn’t really think that would be the cause of such a complicated pregnancy. Maybe it was because this was her first pregnancy… after all, 20% of all first pregnancies end in miscarriage. There were so many variables. My son is a healthy, strong, talented, and intelligent 18-year-old. I was sure it was not my contribution to getting pregnant that had caused the abnormalities in the womb. Katya tells me that I was upset about all of these issues and that when she got up to leave, at first, I told her to sit down, but then she says that I told her if she wanted to leave that her suitcase was right there. In my heart and in my memory, I know this is simply not true. I remember she got up and was very emotional, borderline irrational! She screamed and walked toward the door, and I clearly remember walking to the door gently but with authority, putting my hands on her shoulders and telling her to “stop it, just stop!” In the past, when she was upset, she had slapped me. She had a way of swinging her hands to hit me, and we had talked about it before. She apologized and said she didn’t remember doing that. On the morning of the 8th, it was like a perfect storm of stress, pain, anxiety, and anger. I moved her away from the doo,r and we both sat on the bed. Literally, 1 second had passed when she sprang up, grabbed her suitcase, and left towards the door.
She screamed really loudly for no reason at all. She had not been struck by me, and this seemed to be a bit melodramatic. It’s true I told her to leave if she was going to leave, but to keep her hands to herself. I had given her to option to do whatever she wanted to do at that point. I also told her if she left not to come back. Maybe I was wrong to say this, but again, at this point, I was totally spent, mentally and physically exhausted, and pushed to my absolute limit. I remember this as clear as a bell. I was wrong for not being more understanding and for not de-escalating the situation,n but I did my best by saying “stop” and guiding her to the bed to calm down. She was wrong for screaming and yelling and for raising her arms to hit me. We were both stressed and upset, and emotionally exhausted.

One thing is certain, I never ever would abandon someone in a time of crisis. Yes, I do think an argument is better than just up and leaving. When times get tough, either people stay and work it out, calm things down and move on or they freak out and do and say things they will later regret. Don’t misunderstand me… I have done really dumb things in the past, but I have never abandoned someone who has helped me through hard times. In times of crisis, I have found that trying to be calm is best. When things are moving fast, it’s too slow down to resolve any situation.

Bad things happen in hast! In going back to the door, and then going downstairs to see the apartment owner, it seemed she had already made up her mind. Leaving had never crossed my mind, even if it had been easier, cost less money, and of course, it would have been safer. Rockets and missiles had flown over our heads in Odessa, we had been through a dozen checkpoints with armed men, and we had just gone through a surgical experience where we lost a baby, where SHE lost a baby, and NOW I was feeling the stress. I was exhausted. I was tired and sore and just wanted peace and quiet. I would never minimize what Katya had gone through, or somehow compare my pain and exhaustion with her emergency abortion…
Surgery is hard on the body, and losing a baby is even more difficult, I am sure. Still, leaving never crossed my mind. When things become difficult, I try not to include others in the insane drama of it all, but that is exactly what Katya had done by screaming and then running downstairs for some kind of help. Later the man who had let us live in the apartment asked me why she had knocked on his door, but she never told me why she did that. I can only assume that she simply needed more from me. Perhaps I could have done more, given more, or been more understanding, but it all happened too fast, and looking back, her first reaction was to lash out and leave. For me, this seemed excessive and unnecessary. Again, maybe to those reading this, I am 100% wrong, but I say again that I had begun to need rest. I needed to de-stress, unwind, and not think about this incredibly stressful journey. One day would have been enough for me, or really, just half of the day would have worked. Instead, I was not allowed this time to mourn and unwind, to rest and gather myself. Maybe I was being selfish, but to me, it seemed that she was being selfish in not allowing me time to gather myself into one whole person again. I was shattered just like she was. It would have been great if she recognized this. I felt her pain, truly I did! I sympathized with every bit of pain and agony, and stress. The loss was spread equally between us. Keep in mind that my neck is titanium and I carry a few serious scars from years of overextending my body. I did not complain about carrying our heavy luggage up and down, and up and down again. In my experience, Ukrainian women want a strong man who doesn’t complain. Gender roles seem very defined in Ukraine. I didn’t argue or fuss, but rather overextended my body to the point that it was broken. Leaving never crossed my mind. Her leaving never crossed my mind. I expected that she would calm down, lie down, sleep, and we could talk when she woke up. Now I was agitated watching her pack the suitcase. I had tossed her jacket into the suitcase when she got up screaming. I was tired and just wanted no screaming or drama. It would have been great if she recognized that I had some needs that really “needed” attention. I told her to leave if she was going to leave, but it was not what I wanted to happen or what I thought would happen. She was usually so calm and rational but this time she was the opposite, irrational, and nothing I did seemed to calm her down. The unnecessary, unprovoked screaming was it for me.

The owner of the apartment helped her carry her suitcase downstairs. It was the one I had brought from the USA and given to her. It was full of clothes and new shoes, baby stuff, and the coolest blanket I had ever seen. She left so fast that I didn’t really understand it all. It felt like she had planned this out. It felt like she had a backup plan in place the whole time. This was upsetting to me! My backup plan was for us to see a priest about the baby, to follow up with her doctor appointments, and adjust to our new life in our temporary home. I admit that I do not react well to this sort of thing. I tried to call but she didn’t answer. I sent text messages, but all I got back were emotional outbursts and anger. She had every right to be overly emotional, but I was still totally caught off guard by this behavior. In my experience, Ukrainian women do not freak out like that. These ladies seem to be as cool as a cucumber when it comes to stress. I tried for days to talk to her, but nothing worked. I realized then that I had only been a vessel for her to get to safety. We had lost the baby, and maybe she felt like a failure. In reality, there were a dozen reasons for such a complicated pregnancy, but her mother and family did blame it on her previous vegan diet, her age, and her lifestyle. I am sure it was COVID, and this was her first pregnancy. Along with the stress of war and me being in the USA waiting for a return visa to Ukraine, it was just too much stress on her and the baby. So, she was gone. I waited and called and sent messages and she at least answered a few times. This is where cultural things were different, and I think age and experience come into the picture.

I have learned that calm patience and sincere apologies mean a lot to the same people. I also learned, sadly, among a lot of Slavic people that the ability to stop and look back, admit their mistakes, and embrace a humble apology is absent in their mentality a lot of the time. Kinda “the bull in a China shop” mentality, head down, onward, don’t look back.

We only get a finite number of real opportunities in our lifetime, so please stop and realize when someone who loves you is on their knees in front of you, humble, as you should also be, ready to evaluate the process and fix the problems in the relationship. I have never been someone who slept around, so the 3 women I have dated from the former Soviet states have all been exceptional in many ways, and yet this same issue rises to the surface. The inability to slow down, forgive, or be forgiven has always been present. No, I have not just dated Slavic women. Being an American, I hate dating Americans, of course.
Being a military brat (a child who was in a military family), we traveled and lived all over the world. I have never discriminated against a person’s skin tone or nationality. I will say this and I do mean it. Slavic culture just focuses more on family and family life. The women want to make their men happy, and they are also strong, educated, and beautiful. Asian culture is hardworking and tends to be a little more subservient. Americans are all about the green, money, and the “what have you done for me lately” mentality.
My next teaching opportunity appears to be in Vietnam. I do have offers in Ukraine, Prague, Warsaw, and Germany, but for now, I may focus on somewhere in Asia. Be good and be good to each other. Feel free to ask me any questions, and do be sure to look at the visual references attached to this long blog. They are all accurate, real, and true to the best of my recollection.

Lastly, war is hell. In Europe, in this century, it is just unfortunate and unnecessary. Please donate blood, get your news from more than one source, and stand for freedom!

Next article: God and His Role in Getting Out of Ukraine

Dating Advice & Tips Dating Advice for Men Uncategorized

God and His Role in Getting Out of Ukraine

by Andy Scoggins 21/03/2023 26/03/2025

This story started in the previous posts:

Hello,

I’m Andrew from the USA. I have an apartment in Odesa and lived there prior to June 28, 2022. I taught English and subcontracted for the US Embassy. My partner Katya was newly pregnant and very sick. As you know, many female doctors left Ukraine, and the technology in public hospitals is poor. Instead, we traveled from her mother’s in Poltava down to Odesa again. We went to her parents after February 24, 2022. She caught COVID and was stressed. We lost our unborn son on March 5, 2022. The tests showed he had six chambers of the heart, not four, and other issues with his neurological health, and one side of his body was 40% larger than the other. God was telling us it was okay to let him go inside her womb. He was not healthy and would have suffered. That was the hardest, easiest decision I have ever been involved with. Katya and I agreed that we didn’t want any child to suffer, especially our unborn son. We traveled to Odesa and got that 3D ultrasound that showed all the bad things wrong, fled to Moldova, and then down to Romania. In Poland, they have abortion laws, even if medically necessary, that need to be brought to court for a three-judge panel to decide. I found that horrible for Katya to have to relive all of that. I called ahead to Regina Maria Hospital in Romania, and it was a private, modern hospital up to EU standards. There, we repeated the ultrasound twice by two different teams. Both teams found the same things wrong and had the same medical opinion… an “emergency intervention” was really an emergency abortion to preserve her health. It was hard because it was a life, a life that we created with God’s hands. However, I believe God gave us the wisdom, and the doctors the same wisdom to make the right decision, both morally and spiritually, as well as health-wise. On March 5th, 2022, at 9:53 pm, the baby ascended to heaven to watch over us. I believe this and I will tell you why!

The first miracle was getting cash from the bank. A limit was placed on withdrawals, but she had a brother who worked at something like the Ukrainian version of our US Postal service, but also with some UPS or FEDEX characteristics. There, the guy let her use my card to charge the card at his point of sale, charging us just $5 (I gave him 20 in Ukrainian hryvnias) so we could get her to a higher level of care. He didn’t have to do that, and likely later needed the cash. That was in her tiny hometown of Gadyich, Ukraine.
The next miracle happened when we got to the Poltava at the train station. Air raid sirens came on, we went into a Soviet Era bunker complete with 2 ft thick blast doors. A missile was shot down about 4 blocks away while we were in the shelter. This blind family sat across from me on these old wooden benches, and their son, maybe 10 years old, just looked scared. He didn’t hear anything, but his eyes said it all. I just started teaching him how to play rock-paper-scissors. We played for about 10 minutes after the air raid stopped. It was after midnight when the train arrived. We had tickets to Odesa for an 8.5-hour trip that turned into an 11-hour trip because the train was running pitch black for safety, and we had to stop many times because of air raids and artillery.
The next miracle… all of the airports had been bombed, and the rental car companies ALL shut down. I called the company, and the emergency number was for the manager. Clearly, the message on the voicemail was made before the war started. I called the guy and he told me all of the cars were moved to Moldova. I told him to be safe with his family and began to hang up. As soon as I hung up, within 30 seconds, he called back to tell us that he did have an SUV for $300 for a day. I said HECK YEAH! And he said to pay him when we arrived…? Yes, it’s Ukraine, as they say in Ukraine about the roads or other stuff that seems to happen only in Ukraine. Hell… I started saying it! His assistant brought us a 2021 Hyundai Santa Fe. Imagine every call I made that day before was to every car rental company in Ukraine. Nothing… absolutely nothing. Some even called me back to ask if I knew there was a war going on.

We left at 6 a.m. and sat in traffic at the border that was 20 hours and 16 kilometers of gridlock! Because of how long we sat originally, I said it was longer, but my Google Maps showed me it was shorter than I thought. We arrived in Moldova after dark because every single affordable hotel or Airbnb was booked, and the Moldovan people were gouging the hell out of the latecomers to the capital. I jumped a curb at an upscale market parking lot that was closed – it was locked for the night, and it had the gate was down. The guard did come over after five minutes, and I explained in 50/50 Ukrainian and Russian that she was pregnant, sick, and super tired. He was so kind and told us where the emergency room was if we needed it, and asked us to leave the lot by 9 a.m. to avoid causing him trouble with his boss.

We left for the first peaceful breakfast in 12 days. That was the morning of March 4th. I took her to a good breakfast at a place that served a French-style menu. We had crepes and fruit salad. The day went on as we walked around, sat awhile, and had Italian food. She had never eaten semi-genuine Italian food, but it was good. When night fell, we took bird baths in the car with baby wipes, wipes I had packed in my suitcase to take to Ukraine. There was a gender reveal kit, some maternity clothes, and some other nice stuff for her and the baby. Sometimes I wonder if I somehow put some bad mojo on her and the baby for bringing all that stuff. It’s a passing thought, but still… it hurts.
We dropped the car off with the guy who was CLEARLY fleecing me. I knew it was not a real rental with Budget Corporate because the contract was handwritten, the fee was $300, and I was taking it to another country, which is a no-no usually. The banks there would only charge about $100 of Ukrainian hryvnias… just once, for all Ukrainians, and the banks didn’t allow anyone who was not Ukrainian to do the currency exchange. Strange, but either way, we couldn’t access my bank card for the $300 cash. It’s a common thing when you exit one country for another and don’t notify the bank. We had been so busy and had so much going on that I forgot to call. He accepted $75 cash and the remaining Ukrainian hryvnia that we had. I sent him the rest a month later, even though he said it was okay. Yeah, he was trying to pull a fast one, but he did something no one was doing… renting a car. He told me later the company told him to move his fleet to Moldova, so why not make some extra money while helping us? I don’t think he was gouging us, because any company would have charged me that much given the situation. He was cool about it. That by itself probably saved us from some really horrific stuff.

I booked an Airbnb with a guy named Adrian in Bucharest, Romania. We took a 10 p.m. bus to Bucharest and arrived at around 7 a.m. The guy we rented from had helped a small family of three people and told us that they had a medical emergency and went to a good hospital. When they got back, they told him that Regina Maria’s health care system was giving free care to all people fleeing the war, no matter their nationality! I called and was transferred to the Ukraine coordinator for the hospitals, and she asked me to message her on WhatsApp. She told us where to go and how to do it, and always checked in with us. Uber was giving free rides to any hospital or clinic in their healthcare system (I assume Regina Maria paid a discounted rate).
Katya slept for about two hours, I arranged an Uber ,and away we went. We know the rest that was written at the beginning of this… they covered the cost of the 3D ultrasound tests, and the exam, along with the hospitalization, the surgery, and a private room, along with any and all follow-ups. Truly remarkable and so kind of them! I stood in the rain the next morning for about two hours because they weren’t supposed to allow any visitors because of COVID. That was hard for Katya because she had never been admitted to a hospital but had seen her mom in rooms like the one I had in Kharkiv, Ukraine, with six or seven people in one hospital room. Crazy, I know, but I have the pictures. She took pics of the room, her dinner, and her breakfast. She was shocked and surprised that the room was private and FREE. Again, I arranged an Uber and again it was FREE… $20 or so in Romanian Lei.
Katya was sad and in pain, and we really wanted a totally private apartment. We Googled “Ukrainian housing assistance” and found a site in Romania that listed FREE houses of different sorts. Again, more great luck… we had both been messaging for a few hours. I found a nice apartment, but the gentleman said another Ukrainian couple was coming to stay in a day. Maybe two hours later, I got a message that they were delayed and we were welcome to the apartment. I have pics of that place too! It was new, maybe 3 years old, and fully furnished, 1 bedroom, 1 large bathroom with a tub, a washer for our laundry, a full kitchen with two decks attached, a giant TV, internet, and even a desktop PC to use. WOWOW. We couldn’t have done any better. The apartment was big enough for easily 6 people because of a large closet that had a pullout bed inside. It was 8′ by 10′ with plenty of room.

I often wonder if all of these really unique streaks of luck were because we had a God and a little angel on our side, helping us along in the hardest times I have ever experienced, without question, the toughest! We stayed in that apartment, just the two of us, for quite a while, and it was FREE, but on top of that, he was giving 100 euros to every person who stayed in his extra apartment. Again WOW. I have those screenshots as well. So many bad things have happened, but that experience could have been so much worse… a nightmare really. Now I’m sure we have an angel watching over us. I’m sure all of this pain and suffering will pass, but for now, I feel a deep sense of loss and regret.
I have gone over every scenario from the day I was back in Ukraine after my 5 weeks from December 7 to January for passport purposes… I had overstayed and needed to leave for a while. Usually, a person must be out of the country 90 out of any 180 days, but I sort of paid a legal team in Kyiv to hire me on with an NGO, so I could get a different type of visa to go right back. Ukraine is visa-free unless it’s NGO work or in abnormal situations. All I had to do was pay 5,000 hryvnias to the state border service. That is about $170 US. NOT BAD! I sent the cash to Katya, and she went and paid it, sent me the receipt, and I attached it to the application I got for the NGO. It was accepted, and a D visa was slapped into my passport. Even that was amazing and abnormal because the way had not started. After all of those blessings, I feel extremely lucky to have gotten out safely. From cruise missiles going over our apartment in Odesa to the checkpoints, the medical care, the free apartment, and so on.

I’m going back soon, I hope, but only after they do surgery on my lower back to insert a Spinal cord stimulator. That’s a 4 to 6-week recovery time, and it pushes my goal to get back to Ukraine before the end of March.

I can’t leave this story as is without thanking some very special church members. American missionaries in Bucharest helped me so much. It was super. I made some solid friends there and of course, my older friend Mr Cori Lupan of Bucharest. He helped me out spiritually as well as a really cool Mish from England, well, born in Ireland, I think (I always get these two mixed up, sorry. I know my geography, but I don’t remember for sure if he was Scottish or Irish. Sorry brother!

I hope to add to my life story in Ukraine, and I hope that it will heal some old wounds. Right now, I’m looking for a unit to help, and I’m working on medic training here in the US, and I hope in Ukraine with a private Western group training soldiers and medics for combat medicine. I bought two sets of body armor vests with extra light armor. A friend has given me his old Army helmet and all the accessories, plus other stuff he has lying around. I am available to help, and I’m excited to go. If you know someone who needs a volunteer, I’m that guy!

Slava Ukraini!
Glory to the Heroes!

Dating Advice & Tips Dating Advice for Men Uncategorized

Happy Holidays Readers

by Andy Scoggins 10/12/2022 26/03/2025

As I sit here thinking about the last few days, I can’t help but think about what I was doing this time in 2021. So much has changed with so much human tragedy. I will name these events in descending order from newest to oldest with the Russian invasion of Ukraine and the evacuation.

Kherson has been liberated with Russia retreating to finally preserve the lives of their troops… but don’t worry, there is time for them to screw it up! Ukrainian troops pushed deep into Kherson Oblast after their success in the late summer offensive. Who would have guessed that drones would change the face of warfare? Towed artillery like the American triple 7 Howitzer and the GPS-guided Excalibur round have leveled the battlefield, both literally and figuratively. Simple stuff that is used every day is now some special event. With power grid issues, burst water pipes, and natural gas (maybe propane) service interruptions, life as we know it has become more of a challenge.

Little stuff like me being able to cook and enjoy a family get-together is a luxury that I had in 2021. My apartment in Odesa was a 5-minute walk to the Black Sea. My partner Katya had never experienced a Thanksgiving, and my pal Kiwi Mike (clearly a New Zealander) and his date had also never enjoyed this American tradition… and that ended Thanksgiving day, 2021. Our Thanksgiving is always the last Thursday of every November. It was challenging to find the ingredients I needed to cook, but COSMO near Arcadia, Odessa, had almost everything I needed.

We found a turkey breast because there were no whole birds in any of the markets. In the USA this is a HUGE deal, and turkey is a staple of this holiday. Next, I made Macaroni and Cheese pie. It had a couple of eggs, plus heavy cream, lots of cheese, cooked pasta, and BOOM… oven-cooked Macaroni Pie that your guests will want to take home. A fruit salad is a must. Just fruit and cherries with cherry juice. Katya really liked the turkey along with the Mac and Cheese. I also managed to make my family recipe “turkey cornbread stuffing” which was absolutely a hit. The meal was prepared so well that the vegan in the bunch wanted to take some turkey with Mac and cheese. When I think back to that time, I have a mix of emotions. I loved being there with my partner in that apartment. Every part of my time there was beautiful. Skipping ahead now, 365 days later, I just feel empty.

In previous blog posts, I explained how my 2022 has gone so far. We lost an unborn little boy, a war is raging, Katya had to move to another country to be safe, and it is safe to say that things have been really screwed up. My health has been crazy, and Katya has gone through so much in the last year. Losing a child has changed my life. I’m more reserved and careful, and I constantly think about family life. I can’t even begin to imagine what my partner was feeling. With me, it is all mental… depression and anxiety… but with Katya, she had to carry the baby for 16 weeks, and she also had to deal with all of the mental health stuff.

I failed at that part! Keeping her thoughts away from all the loss was totally lost. Pain and worry consumed me and I dropped the ball. There is no way to say it other than that. I could have and should have just sat there with my mouth shut, waiting to help my sick partner. I just can’t forgive myself for all of this. It appears my health is paying me back for my lack of focus. In my experience, when we screw up so badly, all that is left is a slow and steady route to partial redemption. About 50% of me says I will never have her in life again, but still, some part of me says that I MUST FIX THIS.

My stay in Odessa had ended. Katya was so disappointed in me for having to leave, but truly, I had already overstayed by 93 days, so it was time to leave. Our love was just starting when I had to fly home. I had all that I wanted and needed, but still had to fly home. She stayed behind, discovered we were pregnant, visited the doctor, began to eat better, and here I was… sitting in the USA while the love of my life visited the doctor all alone. Every part of me hated not being there!!! My girl was truly a lady with me opening doors or taking care of the things men do… carry luggage and pay the bills.

I had surgery when I arrived back in the USA, and Katya tried to make contact, from what I was told. All of this metal in my body has finally begun to need to be replaced. In Bucharest, I was there when she had the emergency surgery (emergency abortion to save her life and womb), although they didn’t let me go into her room. March 5th was the date of our tragedy, and I was told that on March 8th, the mask mandate was expiring. I’m sure this was her first time in such a hospital. Private room, great healthcare, but not the best communication. That was in early March. I finally flew back home to the USA on June 28th and hated it the entire way.

To be clear, I am 100% a patriot. I love my country! The USA is the best of all worlds, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t travel and see the world. The absolute most beautiful women in the world are Ukrainian. Everything they do is very much ladylike. My Katya had a way of casually reminding me that I needed to pay extra attention. Stuff like taking her coat in the restaurant, opening doors, guiding her by the arm on a cobblestone street, and the ever-so-slight way she leaned into me to keep a warm touch.
Flash forward to 365 days later, and my girl is in Romania, I’ve had surgery twice, and most of all, Ukraine now fights the plague of Russians invading territory and trying to erase the Ukrainian way of life.

In my experience in Gadyich, they had everything they needed. The pharmacies were low on inventory, and the market had some challenges. My Katya was ready to leave there. I felt bad for her being the only daughter. She had to clean EVERYTHING. I should have been better, more understanding, and more patient. With the war in Ukraine and many complications with our baby, there was just too much. Lives have been torn apart, people have died, and yet love can still find a way.

I think by reading this blog, you can tell that I have deep pride and regret over the last year. Thanksgiving 2021 was the best I have ever had. I was with a beautiful person who loved me, and we had friends over to celebrate. I can still see the mandarin orange with Seagram’s cognac from that day. At some point in this wonderful time, our son was conceived. I suppose I talk about this because I miss it. I suppose I wish I could go back in time to fix all of this. Ukraine has changed forever and the future, and I will continue my future there. I have personal experience with a dacha and all that goes along with it. In the west, we think BIG MONEY for 15 acres with mature fruit trees, but it’s super cheap to buy a nice “fixer-upper.”

My overall point is to shed some light on how hard life has become for typical Ukrainians. My own story weaves in and out of the events of 2021. For the most part, 2021 was a challenge, but a beautiful ending was waiting for me. My prize for opening my life to a new woman is a deep insight into nature, better health, and at the time, the promise of a new love…one for the ages. She’s gone, but Ukrainians still need your help! Be brave and donate or volunteer your time. I am certain that IF YOU OPEN YOUR EYES (and heart,) you will meet a hard-working, kind, focused, beautiful woman who can give you all you need to sustain a life full of exactly what you want. Every fiber in my soul says that THIS trip is one you should take. It’s okay to check the site to find any Ukrainian ladies who currently live somewhere in the EU. I wish you great success, and I will see you next time.

Slava Ukraini!
Andy

1 2 Next page

30 Dates Dating Site

Category Archives: Dating Advice & Tips

Wellcome to Slavic Women Dating

Dating Chat Rooms

Dating Chat Rooms: How to Chat and Meet Your Perfect Match

How to Write the First Message in a Chat Room

What to Chat About? Best Topics & Topics to Avoid

When to Ask for a Date

The Perfect Online Dating Profile Picture

4 Dos & Don’ts for Photos in Your Dating Profile

What Might a Woman’s Silence Mean?

Staying Safe While Chatting Online

Age Gaps: How Much Does Age Matter in a Relationship?

Staying in Ukraine Before the War Started

Beginning of the Invasion of Ukraine February 24, 2022

My Fleeing from the War in Ukraine

Hospital

My Thoughts on Relationship with Ukrainian Woman

God and His Role in Getting Out of Ukraine

Happy Holidays Readers